The Camping Trip
by nebula2
Summary: After picking up Pacey and Dru for drunk and disorderly conduct, Doug wonders how to reach his younger brother. Deciding that getting him away from everything is the only way to get Pacey to open up, Doug drags his younger brother along on a camping trip. Set during season 4 post "Eastern Standard Time" and some dialogue from "Late".
1. Chapter 1

AN: So I wrote this awhile back and posted it elsewhere but I don't believe it was ever on so I decided to go ahead and post it. I hope you enjoy it.

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**Doug's POV:**

I flipped on the lights and sirens and headed out to a small bar on the outskirts of town. I was trying to figure out why the officer on the scene had requested me specifically. I knew from experience that situations at that particular bar could get out of hand quickly but I wasn't the only officer on duty that wasn't currently on a call. As far as I knew this was the only thing going on anywhere within a ten-mile radius of Capeside right now. Not to mention I definitely wasn't the closest officer either. I actually passed one of my fellow officers hidden behind some bushes waiting for speeders - ah, the joys of being a police officer in a small town.

I parked the squad outside of the Big Saloon and got out.

"What do we got Mick?" I asked the officer in charge as I got out of the squad car and started taking in the scene. It looked as if they had everything under control which made me wonder about my presence even more.

"We picked them up for drunk and disorderly. You know the drill." Mick told me gesturing to one of the police cars already on the scene.

As soon as I saw who was in the backseat I knew exactly why they had requested me. There in the backseat sat my little brother Pacey and Dru Valentine. What Pacey was doing with Dru I hadn't the slightest clue?

I motioned for the two of them to come to my squad car. I could tell by the look on Pacey's face that he was not happy to see me. If I was him, I would've just been glad that Dad hadn't been the one to show up.

"So what do you want to do Doug, arrest me?" Pacey asked me walking up to me. Dru was a little bit behind Pacey doing the smart thing and keeping his mouth shut.

"I should," I told him honestly although I was doubtful that would do any good at this point. Something was bothering my younger brother and I didn't know what. "More I'm just curious."

"About what?" Pacey asked in a tone that told me he didn't think that I cared at all. The tone that always managed to piss me off. As a result what I said next only made the situation worse.

"You're not satisfied with being a moron and fail you have to add drunk to your list of credentials."

I could see that pain in his eyes. Pain that was caused by those words. Not to mention I could see the anger on his face now.

"What?" he said right before he came toward me grabbing me by the jacket. It took me a little by surprise but I still quickly held my hand up to the other police officers letting them know that everything was okay. The last thing I needed was for them to get involved. This was my brother, not some drunk stranger.

"This is it for me," he was now yelling at me. "This is my whole life right here. This is all I get."

Suddenly I could hear the anger dissolving as he hung his head still clutching my jacket.

"Pacey," I whispered trying to calm him down and comfort him at the same time. "Pacey." I tried to put my arms around him but suddenly his anger returned.

"Get off of me," he yelled pushing away from me. He took a few steps back and stared back at me.

I looked back at him no longer angry. Now I was just concerned. Something needed to be done. Someone had to reach him before it was too late. I didn't know if it was going to be me but I knew I was going to give it a try. I couldn't stand back and watch him completely self destruct.

Pacey finally looked toward the ground and shook his head as he headed toward my squad car. As I watched him get inside, I knew that I had only just made things worse. I also knew that I wasn't giving up on him. I just had no clue as to what to do but first of all I had to keep him out of jail tonight. Knowing our father, that was going to be no easy task.

After collecting myself, I led Dru over to my squad car. I opened the back door and Dru climbed in beside Pacey. I got in behind the wheel and began the silent trip to the police station.

Pacey's POV:

"How did you talk me into this?" I muttered to Dru. We were sitting in the chairs at the police station waiting to find out our fates. I guess I should've been happy that I was waiting out here and not in a cell which Doug could have very easily done. After all, not only did he have the public drunkenness charge, but technically he could also get me for striking an officer.

"Believe me it wasn't all that hard," Dru told me and I knew that he was right. He hadn't exactly dragged me kicking and screaming to that bar.

I looked toward my Dad's office. My dad was in there with Doug and Mrs. Valentine. I could tell the three of them were arguing but I couldn't tell who was siding with who. Doug had his back toward me but I could partially see the face of the other two. Neither of them looked at all happy.

"Think they're going to throw us in jail?" Dru asked from beside me. I looked over to see that he had followed my gaze.

"Me, yes," I told him. This wouldn't be the first time my Dad had made me spend a night in jail. Why should this time be any different? I wasn't sure which was worse - the lecture I was sure to receive or actually having to spend the night in jail. "See you have the luxury of having a mother who cares about you. You'll probably get to go home tonight," I told him reassuringly.

"A mother who cares about her reputation you mean," Dru told me sounding as bitter as I felt.

I looked over at him trying to decide if he was being serious or not. It was hard to figure out how to take Dru sometimes and I wasn't sure I was actually up to it tonight. However as I looked at him, for once I didn't see the smug smile that Dru usually wore. I finally came to the decision that he seriously meant what he had just said. Maybe we had more in common than I thought which was a scary thought in of itself.

I heard the office door open then and I quickly looked in that direction leaving our conversation where it was at. Mrs. Valentine was walking out of the office. Behind her Doug and Dad were still arguing.

"I'm not ready to give up on him yet, " I heard Doug say before the door shut behind Mrs. Valentine.

"Come on Dru," Mrs. Valentine said in an icy voice. "We're going home."

Dru quickly stood up. He looked back at me with a look I knew very well. He was dreading the lecture he was about to receive. I would have gladly switched places with him though.

"Catch you later, Pacey," was all he said though as he followed his mother out.

I sat back in my chair and leaned my head against the wall. I was aware of the glances that were being tossed in my direction by the other officers in the station. They were probably trying to figure out how the son of a sheriff could possibly turn out so badly.

I closed my eyes and tried to tune everyone else out. However, Doug's words still echoed in my mind. "I'm not ready to give up on him yet," he had said. He had to have been referring to me but Doug was the last person I would've figured on sticking up for me, especially after tonight.

I heard the door open again and I opened my eyes. My Dad was the first one to come out. He walked right by me without even looking at me. My Dad stormed out of the station slamming the door behind him. It was amazing, how all of the officers around me were suddenly very busy with something or other.

I looked away from the door my Dad had just left through and back toward the office. Doug was standing in the doorway leaning against the door frame. He looked exhausted and I could see the concern on his face. The same concern that I had seen earlier in the night. It didn't anger me this time though. Instead I just wanted to know what it meant. Had Doug won his argument with Dad? Was I spending the night in a cell? I was afraid to ask.

Finally Doug started walking toward me slowly. The closer he came the more positive I was that he was going to lead me to my own private cell.

"Come on. I'll drive you home," Doug said softly when he was standing next to me.

I stood up slowly. I wanted to tell him that I'd walk. That would give me a chance to think about things. However, I didn't want to press my luck. Doug had just gone up against Dad for me and the least I could do was take the ride he offered even though he probably just wanted to make sure I went home.

We walked out to Doug's squad car in silence. Doug walked over and opened the passenger side door for me. That was a good sign at least. It told me Doug wasn't completely ticked off at me. At least he was letting me sit up front next to him.

The drive to the house I shared with Gretchen was a silent one. Doug wasn't volunteering any information and even though I had plenty of questions I wasn't about to ask them. I was afraid of saying something that would get me into more trouble.

Doug came to a stop in front of the house and put the squad car in park. I went to open the door and get out but I felt Doug's hand on my arm. I looked over at him wondering what he could possibly want.

"You and I are taking a camping trip this weekend Pace," He informed me.

"I've got plans," I told him even though I really didn't. I just didn't want to spend my time with him, alone in the woods. The only thing I could think of that would be worse is if it was Dad and not Doug.

"They're cancelled," Doug told me. "I'll be back tomorrow morning at nine o'clock so be ready."

I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was serious. However, being me I couldn't just leave it at that. Despite the night I had just been through I had to keep pushing buttons. Sometimes I wonder if I just don't enjoy seeing how much trouble I can possibly get into.

"And if I don't go on this impromptu camping trip?" I asked him as I noticed Gretchen standing on the porch.

"Then you deal with Dad," Doug told me matter of factly. I could tell even his patience was starting to wear thin.

I knew then that this was the condition that had kept me out of jail tonight and I had no desire to deal with my father.

I didn't say anything else though as I got out of the car. There wasn't much else to say. It either was this or facing my father. I knew from the station earlier that my dad had about had it with me so it looked as if I was going to be spending my weekend with Deputy Doug whether I wanted to or not. Of course, it was just my luck that this was a three-day weekend. If there was a God, he definitely hated me.

**Gretchen's POV:**

I looked at the clock again wondering where Pacey was. It wasn't like him to be out this late without letting me know where he was. At first, when I had gotten home from work I thought he was home as his car was parked outside. That had proved not to be the case.

Although I was tempted to, I refrained from starting to call his friends' houses. I wasn't his mother after all. I was only his sister, not to mention the fact that he was eighteen. If he wanted to stay out all night, long I couldn't stop him. That didn't keep me from worrying about him though.

When I finally heard a car pull up outside, I hurried out onto the porch. As I stepped outside, I saw Doug's squad car pull in behind my truck. I let out a sigh of relief figuring that Pacey had just been with Doug all night. After watching their conversation for a little bit I knew that was definitely not the case. Neither of them looked happy. I couldn't help but wonder what sort of trouble Pacey had gotten himself into this time.

As Pacey got out of the car, I walked down the porch steps toward him. Pacey stormed right by me without so much as a nod in acknowledgment. I didn't waste my time watching him stalk into the house though but kept walking toward the squad car. As I made my way to the driver's side of the car, Doug turned the car off and stepped out of the car.

"What's going on?" I asked him as he leaned up against the side of the car. I didn't miss the mix of concern and worry that was in his expression.

"Pacey and another kid from his school got picked up for public drunkenness tonight. To say the least Dad wasn't so thrilled about it," Doug told me. "Gretchen, something is wrong and if something isn't done Pacey is going to get himself into major trouble. Trouble that not even I will be able to help him out of."

I nodded in agreement. I knew Doug was right. I even had an idea as to what that something was but I didn't say anything. Speculation wasn't going to us anywhere. We had to find some way to reach Pacey. Get him to tell us what was bothering him.

"Exactly how much trouble is he in for tonight?" I asked dreading the answer.

"Well, except for Dad being mad about what happened none," Doug told me which surprised me. Dad wasn't exactly known for his leniency. "I managed to talk Dad into letting the charges be dropped both for Pacey and the other kid. The other kid's parents were grateful for that."

"I'm surprised," I said.

Doug took his job seriously and on top of that he and Pacey had never seen eye to eye, even though they had been getting along better as of late.

"Surprised by what? The fact that Dad let the charges be dropped or the fact that I argued for them to be dropped." He sounded a bit defensive which wasn't what I had been going for.

"Both actually," I told him hoping the answer would smooth things out a little. I didn't need to get into an argument with Doug over this.

"I don't think prison time or any other punishment is going to help Pacey at this point," he told me. "He needs help. That's why I'm taking him on a camping trip this weekend. Hopefully, getting him away from everything that is going on will be good for him and maybe he'll open up."

"You don't think a camping trip with you is a punishment?" I asked lightly. I meant it as a joke to lighten the mood but it didn't go over well.

"This isn't funny Gretchen," Doug told me raising his voice.

"Okay, okay," I said quickly trying to keep this from getting out of hand. "I hope you can reach him," I added.

"Me too," Doug replied not sounding at all confident.

"What time are you picking him up?"

"Nine o'clock," Doug replied opening his car door.

"I'll make sure he's ready," I told him.

"Thanks," Doug said. "I'll see you in the morning."

I watched Doug drive off before heading toward the house.

"Pacey," I called out hoping my brother would answer me.

"Upstairs," he called out.

I made my way upstairs and to Pacey's room. I knocked on the doorway to announce my presence but just walked in. Pacey had already dug out his sleeping bag which was now on his bed and he was packing things into his pack. At least it looked as if Pacey was going to go without too much trouble. Whether or not Doug was going to be able to reach him, was a different matter altogether.

"Want to talk?" I asked him leaning up against his desk.

"Not really," he answered as he continued packing.

We were both quiet for a few minutes. I was trying to figure out a way to approach him that wouldn't push him further away. Before I could think of something to say Pacey spoke up.

"Why did Doug do it?" Pacey asked

I wondered why he put the question out there. Did he really expect me to have an answer? I mean yeah, I think out of all my family I understood Doug the best but some times I didn't understand why he did the things he did.

I looked at Pacey tyring to figure out exactly what he meant by that question and how to even attempt to answer it. Was he mad Doug? Was he talking about the camping trip or something else? I decided to take the safe route and answer his question with a question.

"Why did Doug do what?" I asked and just hoped that Pacey would explain himself more.

"Go up against Dad for me like he did tonight," Pacey said as he pulled the string to close the top of the pack.

"Why wouldn't he? You are his brother Pacey," I told him.

"Yeah, but Doug is always going along with the rest of the family and telling me what a loser I am," Pacey said securing the last buckle on the pack and sitting down on the bed next to it. "He's Dad's golden boy. Dad can't be too happy with him right now."

"No, he probably isn't," I agreed, choosing not to comment on Pacey's reference to Doug as out father's golden boy. Doug did go out of his way to make our father happy. To live up to Dad's expectations but that was just Doug. Doug had always gone out of his way to please everyone around him and not just Dad, even at the cost of his own happiness sometimes. "But you know what, no matter what you may think Pacey, Doug does love you," I told him sitting down next to him. "We both do," I added trying to let Pacey know that he wasn't alone. That no matter what, I would be there for him.

"He has a funny way of showing it sometimes," Pacey told me.

"Yeah, well you don't exactly make it easy on him," I told him.

"Point taken," Pacey told me actually letting a smile come to his face. We both knew he was guilty of purposely trying to annoy our brother from time to time. As quickly as the smile came though it disappeared. "So exactly how mad did Doug seem about tonight?" he asked me.

"From what I gather Dad is the one who is mad. Doug's just concerned about you and so am I," I replied. I was hoping that he might get the hint and open up to me. Tell me what was bothering him lately. It didn't happen though.

"Well, the concerned brother plans on dragging me out of bed early tomorrow morning so I better get some sleep," is what he actually said though. I knew then that as far as Pacey was concerned, that this conversation was over.

"Okay, goodnight Pacey," I told him standing up.

"Night Gretchen," he replied as I left the room. I certainly hoped that Doug would have more luck this weekend getting him to open up.

Pacey's POV:

"Pacey it's eight thirty," my sister called banging on my bedroom door.

"Okay," I told her not moving from my bed. I really had no desire to actually get up. I had already turned my alarm clock off when it had gone off a half hour earlier.

"Pacey," I heard her call out again. Evidently she could hear that I wasn't making any attempt to get up. Either that or she just knew me.

"I'm getting up now," I called back actually tossing the blankets aside and getting out of bed this time.

As I got clothes out of my closet, I heard Gretchen's footsteps retreat back downstairs. Just climbing back into bed crossed my mind but I decided against it. Delaying departure time wasn't going to get me out of this trip but it would mean that I would end up with two older siblings hounding me to get ready.

I headed for the bathroom to take a shower and get dressed. After dressing I grabbed my pack and sleeping bag and headed downstairs. As I walked down the steps, I saw the clock on the wall and saw that it was five of nine, so it didn't surprise me to see Doug sitting at the kitchen table already when I walked into the room. I don't think Doug has ever been late for anything in his life.

As I walked into the kitchen Gretchen handed me a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast on it. I took the plate from her and sat down at the table across from Doug.

"I guess I have five minutes to eat," I said with more of a sarcastic tone than I had really meant to.

"No, go ahead and eat," Doug said not looking up from the cup of coffee in front of him. "I didn't even expect you to be up when I got here."

"Yeah, well that's Gretchen's fault," I told him. "It's hard to sleep when she's banging on your door."

Nothing else was said while I ate. After finishing my breakfast I put the dishes in the sink. Doug had already left the kitchen and I could hear him and Gretchen whispering in the living room, probably discussing me.

"Well I'm ready to begin my sentence," I announced as I came into the room.

"Okay, then lets get going," Doug replied choosing to let my comment slide. He picked up my sleeping bag and pack and headed outside.

Gretchen came over to me and gave me a hug.

"Have fun," she told me letting me go.

"Yeah, like that is going to happen," I replied. I was surprised by how bitter I sounded.

"It might if you give it a chance," she told me.

I nodded. She had a point. I thought about saying something else but decided against it. Instead I headed outside.

Doug had already put my stuff into the back of his jeep and was sitting in the driver's seat. I walked over and quietly got in the passenger seat.

Neither of us talked as Doug made his way out of Capeside. I glanced down at the radio which was off and saw that there was a cd in there. Knowing Doug's taste in music I decided that it was a good thing that the radio was off.

A half hour later though the silence was getting to me. Not up to trying to start a conversation with my brother I reached over to turn the radio on. I was all ready to hit the eject button but what came on actually surprised me. Instead of hearing show tunes or one of Dougie's so called divas the sounds of Savage Garden filled the jeep. Pleasantly surprised, I actually turned the volume up a little bit.

We didn't talk the entire way to the State Park that my family usually camped in. Doug found a parking spot in front of the main lodge. As he turned off the jeep, Doug finally spoke to me.

"Why don't you unpack while I go inside?" Doug said opening his door. Though they didn't assign campsites, the park rangers liked campers to check in at the main lodge so that they were aware of how many people were out camping in the park.

"Fine," I said with a shrug as I got out of the jeep myself.

As Doug headed inside, I started getting stuff out of the jeep. By the time Doug came back out I had everything out and sitting on the pavement near by.

Within minutes the two of us were in the woods heading away from the lodge. I figured we would hike for about fifteen minutes and then set up camp relatively close to the lodge. Fifteen minutes later though Doug was still walking and didn't show any signs that he was planning on stopping.

I took my canteen out and took a drink of water. I thought about asking Doug how much further he was planning on going but decided not to. It didn't really matter. I was stuck with him for the whole weekend whether we camped close to the lodge or not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Doug's POV:**

Pacey had been quiet all morning. I could tell he still wasn't thrilled about the camping trip and I really couldn't blame him. This trip was not his idea. I hadn't even given him a choice about it but Dad had told me that I had better do something to talk some sense into him after I had convinced him to let the charges be dropped on both Pacey and Dru. I also knew that I could've lectured until I was blue in the face, and Pace would've never listened to me. Lecturing was going to get us nowhere. I had to reach him. To get him to open up and talk to me. Really talk, not the usual sarcastic comments and spiteful jokes we usually traded.

Besides, why would he want to spend the weekend with me? I hadn't exactly been the most supportive brother over the years. Unwanted memories of Pacey's eighteenth birthday came to mind. I had acted like a jerk along with the rest of the family with the exception of Gretchen. The worse thing was the fact that I hadn't realized it until Pacey's outburst. That night had been the first time that I had realized that something was really bothering my little brother.

"Are you going to stop sometime soon or do you plan on walking around all day?" Pacey asked, breaking through my thoughts.

"We're almost there," I told him glancing over my shoulder at him. "Do you want to take a break?"

"No. I'm fine," Pacey told me. There was a slight pause before he spoke again. "Are you headed to anywhere particular or is the long hike part of my punishment?"

"Yes, I have a destination in mind," I told him. I purposely didn't say anything more because I wanted to see if he recognized the place I was taking him.

Pacey didn't say anything else and we went back to walking in silence. It was another ten minutes until we reached the clearing I had been headed to. I took off my pack and put it up against a tree. Beside me, Pacey took off his own pack and sat it on the ground near another tree. He then sat down on the ground and leaned back against his pack. From the looks of it, I wasn't going to be getting much help from him with setting up camp.

The last thing I was going to do was waste my time arguing with him. That wasn't why I had brought him out here. Not to mention that I had been the one who had insisted on this camping trip. He hadn't exactly shown any desire of actually wanting to come along so his lack of enthusiasm wasn't really a big surprise.

I untied the tent from my pack and started setting it up. When I was about half way through the task I noticed Pacey get up and disappear into the woods. I didn't really think too much about it. I figured he just wanted to get away from me for a little while so I went back to the tent.

I was just about done with the tent when Pacey walked back into the clearing. I was surprised to see his arms filled with sticks of various sizes. He put the sticks down in a pile and then disappeared again. I was happy to see that he had decide to help out even if it was only because he had gotten bored. At least it meant that I wasn't going to have to do everything by myself.

I quickly finished the tent and then grabbed Pacey's pack and sleeping bag, which was closer than mine, and put it inside. I then retrieved my own stuff from next to the tree and I had sat it down by. I then went back outside and started helping Pacey gather firewood.

If Pacey wasn't going to talk to me I knew I was going to be in for a long and silent weekend. I was starting to think that maybe I should've just let Dad throw him into jail.

"What are you looking for?" Pacey asked me. I was kneeling next to my pack searching for my pocket knife. Other than shrugging his shoulders or giving me short answers to questions, those were the first words my brother had said to me since we had gotten to the clearing.

As for Pacey, he was stretched out on his sleeping bag. He had retreated into the tent after lunch probably to stop me from trying to start up a conversation like I had been doing. It had been fine with me because the truth was, my patience was starting to get thin. I was starting to think this trip was going to be a waste of my weekend and his.

"I'm looking for my pocket knife," I told him. I couldn't figure out what had happened to it. I was positive that I had packed it. I wanted it so I could whittle. I had taken up whittling years ago as a way to pass time on camping trips when my family had started driving me crazy which always eventually happened. Since then I had never gone on a camping trip without a pocket knife but it seemed to not have gotten into my pack this time.

"Here use this one," Pacey said. I turned around and he tossed a pocket knife in my direction.

I instantly recognized the pocket knife he had tossed to me. It was one of mine that had disappeared years ago. I had accused Pacey of taking the knife back then and he had denied doing it. Dad had searched Pacey's room and even though he hadn't found the missing pocket knife he had punished Pacey anyways.

"So you did take it," I said looking over at him. Pacey just shrugged but didn't volunteer any information. It was like talking to a brick wall. With a sigh I got up and left the tent. The thought of going back to Capeside and turning Pacey over to Dad crossed my mind. It would save me a lot of trouble but it was also mean that I would be telling Pacey that I was giving up on him. I wasn't ready to do that yet because I knew that would only make things worse.

**Pacey's POV:**

I watched Doug leave the tent knowing that my attitude was starting to get to him. I was starting to wear his patience thin, which with Doug was a major feat as he had the most patience of anyone I knew. I was starting to feel kind of bad partly because I was purposely trying to get on his nerves which was the whole reason that I had tossed him that pocket knife. I had a knife of my own with me that I could have given him but I wanted to see if he would recognize the knife and how he would react.

I laid in the tent for a little while longer and then crawled out. Doug was sitting across the clearing leaning up against a tree whittling.

"You know that is usual the past time of little old men," I told him unable to resist the opportunity to poke fun at my brother. Doug didn't even bother to look up so I walked closer to him.

"You know that would make a lovely gift for your boyfriend," I commented sure to get some kind of remark out of him. Doug surprised me. He didn't say anything though. I was starting to wonder how much I could get away with before Doug finally went off on me. I decided not to push it though.

Without another word I left the clearing and headed toward the nearby creek. If Doug was going to ignore me I definitely did not want to be around the campsite. Maybe jail would have been preferable to being stuck out here in the woods with Doug. I could have probably at least have some kind of conversation with my fellow cell mates.

As I sat down on a big rock next to the creek though I realized that I wasn't really being fair. Doug had made several attempts during the course of the day to start up a conversation and I had shot every attempt down. Why would he want to talk to me now especially not when I wasn't exactly being very nice? I hadn't been trying to start a conversation back there, I had been trying to start an argument. I wasn't exactly sure why though.

I don't know how long I spent sitting on that rock running things through my head but when I finally noticed the lengthening shadows I figured it would be a good idea to start back to the campsite. I hadn't brought my flashlight with me and wondering around the woods in the dark wasn't all that appealing. I had my doubts as to whether or not Doug would even bother to come look for me if I didn't show back up.

When I walked back into the clearing, I saw Doug, in the fading twilight, trying to get a fire going. Suddenly I recognized this place and finally understood why Doug had brought me here. I wasn't sure why I hadn't thought of it before as it was one of my happy memories from my childhood.

I had been nine that spring and Doug had just turned eighteen. Doug and I had been closer back then. School had just let out for the summer and Doug had promised me that he would spend the coming weekend with me. On Thursday night Doug's friends had come over and asked him to go camping with them for a few days. He had forgotten about his promise to me at first and had agreed to go with them. As he was packing the next morning I remember standing in the doorway just watching him feeling hurt. I had been looking forward to spending some time with him because I knew come fall I wouldn't be seeing him as much as he was going to be training for the police force.

Doug had finally noticed me standing there and remembered his promise to me. He ended up calling his friends and telling them he couldn't go. Later that afternoon his friends had showed up at the house again and tried to convince him to come along with them. In the end he had agreed to go but only if I could come along with them.

I had enjoyed that camping trip a lot. Being only nine, I thought it was cool hanging out with the older kids. That had actually been the camping trip on which I had "acquired" Doug's pocket knife. I had slipped it out of his pack while he and his friends were breaking down camp. Doug hadn't noticed it was missing until a few days after. By that time, I had it stashed out at the fort Dawson and I were building where it eventually got buried in the time capsule Dawson and I had buried at the end of the summer.

"Hey Pace, are you okay?" I heard Doug ask bringing me out of my daydream.

My brother was looking at me from where he was kneeling. Looking at him it occurred to me just how far apart we had grown over the last nine years and to tell you the truth I couldn't pinpoint exactly when that had started happening or why. I had always looked up to him as a kid. I wasn't sure when that had changed to the resentment that I felt toward my brother most of the time.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told him.

I think Doug figured that was as much information as I was going to volunteer as he turned back to getting the fire going. He had a small flame going and was slowly added wood trying to build it up. I didn't want to leave the conversation there though. For some reason I had the sudden urge to talk to someone, really talk to someone.

"I was just thinking about the last time we were out here together when you took me along on the camping trip with your friends. I had a lot of fun on that camping trip," I told him as I made my way over toward the fire which was now burning pretty good.

"Yeah, that camping trip was a lot of fun," Doug agreed as he sat down in front of the fire. I sat down beside him trying to figure out what to say next.

As I got comfortable Doug handed me his old pocket knife. I hadn't expected to get it back. After all, technically it was his knife.

"Here, you might as well hang on to it now," he said as I took the knife from him. "So out of curiosity, why did you take that knife?"

"Because it was yours," I said simply. "You were going to join the police force that coming fall and I guess I felt as if I was losing you and I wanted some part of you to hold on to," I admitted trying to explain things a little better. I stared into the fire not wanting to look at him. If he was laughing at me, I really didn't want to see it. " I guess that probably sounds silly to you."

"No it doesn't," Doug told me. "It's actually kind of flattering," he told me.

I looked up from the fire and at him to see if he was joking. I knew instantly that he wasn't. I could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"Do you ever wonder what happened between us, Pace?" he asked me. It kind of spooked me that he was voicing the same thoughts that I had been thinking about just moments earlier.

"Sometimes," I admitted to him. "I guess we just both changed. It just seemed to me that the older you got the further away you seemed."

"How so?" Doug asked me. I hesitated for a minute trying to decide if I should really answer that question. The last thing I wanted to do was to get him mad a t me out here as there was a very good chance that he might actually leave me here. I finally decided to take a chance.

"I guess I just started feeling as if you were judging me just like everybody else and then when you made it through training and onto the force Dad was so proud. It suddenly seemed as if you could do no wrong in his eyes and I felt like I had to compete with you for his attention. No matter how hard I tried though I always seemed to come up short."

"Pace, I was never trying to out do you," Doug told me.

"I know," I told him and it was the truth. I know that Doug hadn't set out to make Dad over look me. I had my father to thank for that.

"And as for judging you," Doug continued, "I'm sorry if it felt that way. That wasn't my intention. I wanted you to do your best and it frustrated me when you just gave up on yourself although maybe that was partly my fault along with the rest of the family."

"Why?" I asked not really meaning to but the word just slipped out before I could stop myself from saying it. I really did want to know though. In my mind, I thought Doug could care less what I did. It seemed to me that he just wanted to turn me into Dad when ever I screwed up.

"Because I've always wanted something more for you and Gretchen," Doug told me. I looked over at him trying to believe what he was saying. "Kerry and Amber both married jerks even though I think Kerry is starting to wise up a little bit, and I gave up on my dreams to fulfill Dad's but I want something better for the two of you. You and Gretchen still have a chance of finding something that you truly want to do and that will make you happy."

"Well, at least Gretchen isn't going to disappoint you," I told him feeling ashamed. I know I had no chance of doing something worthwhile with my life. Once again I was letting people down.

"Pacey, don't give up on yourself. You have so much potential. Don't let Dad or anybody discourage you from following your heart."

"Like you did?" I asked. It just seemed to be the ending to what he was saying.

"Like I did," Doug acknowledged looking into the fire.

I had never really given much thought to why Doug had become a police officer except to come up with my Village People wisecrack. I had always just assumed that it was what he wanted to do. I had never even considered that Doug had sacrificed his own plans to fulfill Dad's dreams.

"But this is the choice I made," Doug said continuing. "And don't get me wrong I am proud of what I do. Of making a difference in people's lives. However, sometimes I wonder if I would've been happier if I had done what I wanted to do."

"Which was?"

"How did this conversation turn out to be about me?" Doug asked seeming uncomfortable.

I shrugged my shoulders but I really did want to know. I was starting to see my brother in a whole different light. More like the brother I had looked up to when I was a kid.

"Well I wanted to go to college and explore some of the things that interested me like architecture or maybe law. Dad however didn't want me to. He felt that college wasn't for me and if I went that I would only end up getting discouraged and hurt."

"Why?" I asked. I couldn't comprehend a parent not wanting their child to go on to higher education.

"You honestly don't know do you?" Doug asked me looking right at me. I shook my head no trying to figure out what he meant.

"I never got the greatest grades in school. I maybe managed to get five A's during my four years in highschool and I sturggled to get C's in order to pass my classes."

"And of course being Dad's golden boy he never got on your case about it," I commented bitterly. I regretted saying it as soon as it was out. I was on a roll with letting things slip out tonight. I was starting to think I should have never even opened my mouth. Before I could apologize though he continued.

"He did at first," Doug told me. "He'd yell at me for not studying and not trying my best. And it hurt because I was trying but no matter how hard I worked I couldn't seem to get good grades. Finally, one of my teachers suggested to Mom and Dad that there could possibly be a problem. It took awhile, but the specialists I started seeing finally discovered that I had dyslexia and that was the reason I was struggling with school. Once they figured that out they were able to help me but I still struggled."

"Is that why they had me doing all those stupid tests at one point?" I asked.

"Yeah, they thought at first that you may have the same problem."

"And that's why Dad didn't want you to go to college?"

"Dad thought that college would be too hard for me," Doug told me nodding. "That I would either get frustrated or discouraged and would end up dropping out. I just wanted to finally do something that Dad would be happy about and proud of me for so I went along with his suggestion and joined the police force. There are still times when I lie awake at night wondering if Dad had been right."

"Its not too late," I told him. "You could always take classes at the community college at night and find out."

"No, I made my choice," Doug told me. "Besides, I'm afraid to find out that Dad was right," he admitted to me.

We were quiet for awhile. I didn't know what to say to Doug's admission. Darkness had fallen while we were talking and the only light now came from the flickering fire. I looked into the flames and thought about what had just been said between us.

I suddenly understood my big brother a little better. I felt that same feeling of joy I had when I was nine years old and he was willing to spend time with me. I also started feeling that we were starting to bridge some of that distance that had built up between us over the years.

Though I was ready to admit it out loud, things were starting to look a little bit better. I still had no idea what to do about my future but for the first time in a long time I felt as though somebody in my family actually loved me.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Sorry forgot I had to post chapter 3 of this story. My Bad! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Doug's POV:**

That hadn't been the conversation I had planned on having with my brother but with the way he had been acting all day I'd take any kind of conversation with him at this point. With any luck it may have also done some good. Possibly built back a little of the trust we had lost over the years.

The two of us sat in silence for quite awhile. It was a comfortable silence though not one of those awkward ones that you keep searching for someway to break and then end up saying something you regret later. The tension that had been between us all day seemed to have disappeared too.

"You know what I miss the most that I remember from my childhood?" Pacey said suddenly breaking the silence.

"What?" I asked curious. I was kind of worried though. The few times that Pacey and I had ever shared stories from our childhood had always turned ugly. His eighteenth birthday was the perfect example of that.

"Its actually something from the camping trips that we all use to take as a family," he said continuing. "I remember that at night we use to all gather around the fire and you'd play your guitar and we'd have a sing along. Those are some of the few memories I have of us altogether where someone wasn't arguing with someone else over something. As much as the sing along was though, I think I enjoyed it more when it was just you singing by yourself. Do you still play?"

"Sometimes," I told him. I never played in front of anyone anymore though. It had been years since I even played for my family. There were nights though when I got my guitar out and played and tried to forget about whatever may have happened at work that day.

There was another moment of silence before Pacey asked another question.

"Doug, do you think that I have any chance of actually graduating?" he asked me.

Even through the surprise, I felt relief. Relief because he was finally opening up some. Talking about what Gretchen and I had both known was part of whatever had been bothering him lately. Even though I already knew that though it was good to hear him finally admit to it because if either Gretchen and I had brought the subject up we both knew Pacey would have denied it and it wouldn't get us anywhere.

"If you had asked me that at the beginning of the school year I would've told you no," I told him honestly. I wasn't about to start lying to him even to make him feel better. It wasn't worth it and in the long run would only cause more problems. " But now, after seeing the way you've applied yourself so far this year, I think you can do it." I took a short pause and then told him "I know you can do it."

"Not that it is going to do any good," he said with a sigh.

""Pace, the fact that you didn't get accepted to any colleges for next year isn't the end of the world. Maybe college isn't for you."

"I thought you said that you wanted something better for Gretchen and me?"

"I do, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to go to college. What you need to do is find what makes you happy and then do that thing well. Follow your dreams. If college is really something that you want then take a few classes at the community college and reapply for next year."

"You're serious aren't you?" Pacey asked looking over at me. I could tell by the look on his face that he thought I was crazy.

"Yes Pace I am," I told him. "You proved this year that if you actually apply yourself you can do well in school. You have so much potential you just need to start believing in yourself. I know that we haven't always been supportive. . ."

"You can say that again," Pacey muttered. I chose to ignore that comment. It wasn't as if it wasn't deserved.

". . . and your low self confidence is probably our fault," I said continuing my thought as if he never interrupted me. "Let me say this though, No matter the outcome, I'm proud of you for what you have accomplished so far this year regardless of whether or not you graduate. Nothing can take away what you've already shown you can do."

Pacey looked up at me. I could see the disbelief on his face as if couldn't believe that I had actually said those words. I couldn't say I blamed him. In his place, I'd probably be doubtful too as I hadn't exactly been too encouraging over the years. I could also see some tears glistening in his eyes threatening to fall.

It had been his explosion at his eighteenth birthday party that I had even realized what it was we had been doing to him. That with the exception of Gretchen, no one had showed any confidence in him at all. That we had always been focusing on what he had done wrong and putting him down. Somewhere along the line we had started seeing him as a loser and as a result he had started looking at himself in that light too. I knew now, that the only way to get him to start believing in himself was for us to start showing that we believed in him.

Without saying a word Pacey got up and headed for the tent. I let him go. Being alone was probably what he needed right now. I just hoped our conversation had done some good.

**Pacey's POV:**

_"I'm proud of you for what you have accomplished so far this year regardless of whether or not you graduate."_

Those words kept echoing in my mind as I lay on my sleeping bag staring up at the tent. Those were the words that I had wanted to hear my father say for as long as I could remember. To actually hear them, even though they weren't from my father, was overwhelming. The fact that it had been Doug who had said them and not my Dad didn't really matter. It meant just as much to me. It had been so overwhelming in fact that I couldn't stay out by the fire any more. I needed time to myself. Time to think about what had just been said. I was thankful when Doug hadn't followed me.

Now, as I laid there on my sleeping bag and thought about it, I realized that in a way Doug had been more of a father toward me these last couple of years than our father had actually been. I had never told Doug, or anyone else, but my moving in with him hadn't exactly been my idea.

After spending the night in jail, when Doug had busted us at the golf course party, I had spent the day wandering around Capeside. I hadn't wanted to face my Dad as I knew what kind of lecture I was in for when I did see him. When I finally did go home of course my dad was waiting for me. After yelling at me for drinking and trespassing and generally just messing up again he had told me that I had to leave. That he was fed up with me and he wasn't going to waste his time on me anymore.

It had even been his idea for me to go stay with Doug. He had even wrote a check out to Doug if Doug would take me in. After the things I had said to Doug over the past couple of years I had little hope that he would agree to it but I didn't see any other options. I needed a place to stay and the only other remote possibility was with the Leery's. I hadn't really wanted to put my friendship with Dawson to that kind of test though so I had gone and knocked on Doug's door. Surprisingly he took me in even though I let him believe it had been my choice to leave and not Dad's ultimatum. I even found out later that he had returned the check to Dad.

Doug had even taken more of an interest in my life than my parents had ever done. He even tried to get me to take school seriously even though I hadn't listened. When I had gotten into trouble with fighting with Matt Caulfield he let me explain why I had been fighting and hadn't just started yelling at me because I had gotten into trouble. Although he had told me there were better ways of handling that situation he had at least been understanding about it. Dad wouldn't have even listened to what had happened. Actually, maybe if I had listened to him about school at the time I wouldn't be in the predicament I was now.

Without a doubt I had benefitted from Doug's advice over the past year and a half. In fact, if I had followed it a little bit more often things might have worked out better. My situation with Dawson was the perfect example. If I had told Dawson about Joey from the beginning then maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe I wouldn't have lost my best friend.

Looking back at last night, that had been part of the reason I had gotten mad at Doug then. It hadn't been so much the words that he had said as it had been the disappointment I heard in his voice and had seen on his face. When I had seen him pull up in his squad car I had wished it had been Dad. Dad expected me to screw up. I would always be the "other" son in his eyes. The loser. Somehow I knew, before he had even told me tonight, that Doug expected more of me.

Of course if they had called Dad I would have definitely spent another night in jail. I wouldn't have had Doug to talk Dad out of it. Hell, there was a chance I could still be there.

I heard Doug come into the tent. He must have thought I was asleep, as he came in quietly and slipped into his sleeping bag without saying anything to me. I thought about speaking up but couldn't think of anything to say. Before long I could hear his slow, even breathing telling me he had drifted off to sleep.

Before falling to sleep myself, I promised myself that tomorrow I was going to stop being such a jerk and start enjoying being out here.

* * *

"I still beat you," Doug told me as I joined him on the front porch of the main lodge.

We had spent most of the day hiking and had decided to come down to the lodge for dinner instead of cooking it ourselves at the campsite. It had been my idea to race to the lodge and I had sort of sprung it on Doug. Even with my impromptu head start though Doug had still beaten me.

"Can't you let me do something better than you just once?" I asked him in between breaths.

"No," Doug told me smiling. I couldn't remember when the last time I was that I had seen Doug so relaxed. I had a feeling this camping trip was actually doing us both some good.

"I didn't think so," I told him laughing. This was the happiest I had felt for a couple of months now. I almost didn't want the night to end because that meant going back to Capeside the following day.

The two of us went into the lodge and ordered dinner. After dinner Doug called Gretchen to let her know we were alright. Gretchen gave me the message that I was suppose to call Joey as soon as possible so I dialed Joey's number as soon as I ended the call with Gretchen.

"Hello," he heard Joey say as she picked up the phone.

"Hey," I said, "Gretchen said I had to call immediately. What's wrong?" I asked her.

There was a slight pause on the line before she answered.

"Actually, nothing. I thought I had a huge problem but, um, I was wrong."

"Well, what kind of problem did you think you had," I asked her really wanting to know.

"Nothing that you should worry about. The important thing is that you focus on yourself," she said.

That comment should have made me feel better. I mean after all it meant that she cared about me right. But it didn't, instead it made me feel mad although I couldn't pinpoint just why.

"Where are you?" she asked next. That was the last thing I wanted her to ask. I wasn't ready to tell her about getting arrested yet. In fact, I hadn't even told her I was getting dragged along on a camping trip. I had told her I was going fishing with Doug and I had made it sound voluntary.

"I told you I'm fishing with Dougie," I replied repeating the lie I had told her yesterday morning before we had left. At least the part about being with Doug wasn't a lie. "We're having the time of our lives out here. Caught a ninety pound Marlin yesterday," I told her expanding on the lie. Trying to make it sound more believable. "We're living the high life Joe. You and I have to get out here sometime."

"Yeah we will. We'll have to do that real soon," I heard Joey reply.

"I miss you."

"I miss you Pace," I heard her say and then there was silence until I heard the dial tone which told me she had hung up.

I hung up the pay phone and walked over to where Doug was standing waiting for me. The two of us started walking back to the campsite.

"Everything okay?" Doug asked me as we started up the trail leaving the lodge behind us. Our flashlights were now our only source of light as the night was overcast. I just hoped it wasn't going to rain. Getting wet was the last thing I wanted.

"Yeah, just a false alarm," I told him as we walked along the path.

My short talk with Joey though had ruined my mood. Suddenly it seemed as though my world was falling in around me. I felt trapped while everyone else was going on with their lives.

"Doug if I tell you something will you promise not to tell anyone else," I asked after a few more steps.

"Of course," he told me. As I was looking in his direction, I saw him glance over in my direction. That look of concern was back on his face.

I thought about how to get into what I wanted to tell him. I decided I might as well just come right out and say it as there wasn't really any good way to say it.

"Most of the time I resent Joey going to Worthington. When there was a chance she couldn't go I was actually happy about that. I know I should be happy for her but there is no place fo me in that world. If she goes off to Worthington she is going to leave me behind but Worthington is her dream. I don't have any right to deprive her of her dream simply because I'm a loser."

"Pacey you're not a loser," Doug told me quickly. He almost sounded as if he believed it himself but how could he. For the better part of my life my Dad had been telling me what a loser I was. That I was worthless. 'At least I have Doug', I couldn't forget those words no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't simply just erase that from my mind.

"Sure I'm not," I said bitterly. "I may not graduate high school, I can't get into college, and I don't deserve someone like Joey."

"It's not about deserving someone its about how the two of you feel about each other."

"And what happens in the fall. Joey goes off to Worthington and meets Mr. Brain who can give her intellectual conversation and everything she ever wanted and she'll forget all about me."

"That is one possibility but the other possibility is she goes away and realized that her one true love is the guy she already has."

"So you think I should keep holding on?" I asked him.

"I can't tell you what to do this time Pace. You've got to make that decision for yourself but don't sell yourself short. You have a lot to offer someone Pace. Don't ever forget that."

I nodded even though he probably didn't see the gesture in the light of our flashlights. I felt as if I should say something but I really couldn't think of anything. I also didn't want to leave the conversation like it was. I could feel that tension between us again and I didn't like it.

"No wonder all the guys like you, Dougie, you're such a romantic," I told him. That comment immediately got me a punch in the arm.

"Brat," Doug told me. I could tell by the lightness in his voice though that he wasn't mad at me. Probably mildly annoyed but not mad.

We continued our walk to our campsite. Before long we were telling jokes while we were walking. I'm not sure who started it but I know I was mildly surprised that Doug even knew any funny jokes. I didn't tell him that though. Why ruin a good thing?

* * *

The next morning, I sat in the passenger seat watching the scenery go by. Doug hadn't said much the entire morning but then neither had I . Truth was I really didn't want to talk. I wanted some more time to think about what I was going to do when I got back to Capeside. What I was going to do about Joey.

We passed the Welcome to Capeside sign and I was still no closer to knowing what I was going to do. I was sure of one thing though. I wasn't ready to give up Joey. I still had time before she left for college and maybe I could do something to show her that I could do something right. In fact the prom was coming up. Maybe if I could give her the perfect night she would see that I wasn't a complete screw up.

Doug pulled his jeep to a stop in front of my house. Gretchen's car wasn't there which meant I would have some time to myself before getting questioned about the weekend.

Doug and I got out of the car and Doug helped me get my stuff out of the back. He handed me my sleeping bag and then turned to get back into the jeep. I knew I had to say something to let him know that I appreciated what he had done for me this weekend.

"Doug," I called out. He stopped and looked back at me. "Thanks," I said. As soon as the word was out I knew it was lame and inadequate but I couldn't find any other words.

"You're welcome," He told me with a smile. Looking into his eyes I knew that he understood without me having to put it into words.

As he headed for the car again, I turned and headed for the house.

* * *

Later that night, I helped my Mom and Gretchen clear the dinner dishes after dinner at my parent's house. I hadn't really wanted to come but Gretchen had made me. She had said that I shouldn't do anything else to make my father mad and these Sunday dinners every other week had become as close to a ritual as this family had ever gotten. Not showing up definitely wouldn't have gone over well and Gretchen had a point. My dad didn't need another reason to be ticked off at me as he had plenty of other things.

Dad hadn't said much during dinner to anyone. I knew he was still mad at me and by the looks he kept casting in Doug's direction I think he was still mad at Doug too which I felt kind of bad about. It was one thing for me to have a rotten relationship with my Dad but I hated being the reason that Doug and Dad weren't getting along.

Once all the dishes were in the kitchen I left the other two to do them. I left the kitchen and headed upstairs as there was something I wanted to try and locate.

Kerry, Dad and Doug were in the living room watching tv. No one was saying anything to anyone. I snuck up the stairs without being noticed. I heard Kerry's two kids in the room that use to be mine. I walked past the room and went to the door that led to the attic.

I turned the lights on in the attic and headed up the steps. I didn't even know if what I was looking for would still be up there but I wanted to find out. I started looking around for it. I was just about ready to give up when I saw it sitting against the wall between some boxes.

I grabbed it and headed back down the steps. Looking into the living room I saw only Dad and Kerry. I headed for the kitchen which was empty. Then I heard voices drifting in from the back porch.

I head outside and found Gretchen, Mom and Doug sitting around the porch. Mom and Gretchen were on the porch swing and Doug was leaning up against the porch railing.

"What's that you have Pace?" Mom asked.

"Doug's old guitar," I said stepping onto the porch. Doug had bought another one and had left this one when he moved out. I had come across it one day when I had been hiding from my Dad one time. "I was hoping you'd play something," I said to Doug, walking across the porch and holding the guitar out to him.

Doug took it form me with a smile.

"Sure," he said as he started tunning the guitar. I looked over at my mom and sister to see that both of them had smiles on their face. "Anything in particular you want to hear?" Doug asked me as he finished tuning the guitar.

"The one I always use to beg you to play on those camping trips," I told him wondering if he would know which song I meant.

Doug smiled and began playing. I sat down on the porch steps as he began singing happy that he remembered which song it was that I used to love. There was something about hearing about Jackie Paper and Puff that had always given me hope. Even now, as jaded as I had become, their was something magical about the lyrics as I listened to my older brother sing them.

And then Doug was at the verse about Jackie growing up and not visiting Puff anymore. It was one that I felt I could really relate to at this point in my life. There were plenty of times that I wish I could still be that little boy. Hanging out with Dawson doing nothing in particular. Teasing little Joey Potter and later trading banter with her. Things were so much simpler then.

The rest of us spent the rest of the night out on the porch singing songs. It was like one of those old camping trips. At some point Kerry joined us and later I noticed my Dad standing at the door watching but he didn't come out and join us. I guess when some things changed they changed forever.


End file.
